“Autobots waging battle to destroy the evil forces oooooof the Decepticons”
Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â So, I bit the bullet while in Phoenix (and while someone else was paying) to see the new Transformers movie.
As you may or may not know, IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m a huge Transformers fan from back in the day of 80ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s power rock theme songs. Life back then was either Thundercats or He-Man, and Transformers or Go-Bots. I never really favored the Dash (shut up all you ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œItÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s REALLY called ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‹Å“Masters of the UniverseÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ people, I donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t want to hear it!), nor did I favor getting punched in the face by my older brother. Since I loved Thundercats, I figured I might as well concede on the Transformers front, since getting punched twice in the face daily would have been too much.
Also, The Transformers rocked.
So, you wonÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t be surprised when I tell you that when I first heard about the movie I was excited, and that as I read more and more about it, I got angrier and angrier and angrier at Michael Bay. However, I couldnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t not see the movie.
So, when my cousin offered to buy movie tickets so we could all chill-ax in the nice air conditioned theater in Phoenix, I said ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œGod yes!ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â partly because it was free movie tickets, and mostly because Phoenix is really hot.
I donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t know if it was because after months and months of reading about the movieÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s details my expectations of the movie became so lowered that they could have shown a 2 hour movie filmed with a broken Optimus Prime action figure, and I would have been ok with it, that I found myself (gasp!) enjoying the movie ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“ but for whatever reason, I have to say, the movie is not entirely crap.
My complaints, of course, are many.
1.) The cinematography is an appalling mess ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“ they try to make it look like a dirty, gritty war movie, like Saving Private Ryan. I understand why, but I donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t like movies shot like that, period. It gives me a headache, and makes me very confused, which doesnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t help when
2.) The Decepticons all look the same. The only reason I could tell which Decepticons was Megatron was because he and Prime spent most of the last half hour of the movie fighting. I only knew that Starscream was in it because Megatron referred to one of his weird silver metal minions as ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œStarscreamÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â. In the gritty, fast paced action sequences, itÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s easy to just not know which Decepticon is which. Another problem is that Ratchet and Bumblebee are both yellow. This leads me into
3.) The poor character design. LetÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s be honest ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“ Optimus Prime doesnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t need racing stripes. HeÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s awesome enough. What are they for anyway? To make him go faster? The color scheme doesnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t exist in Michael BayÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s effort to make things more ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œRealisticÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â. So, instead of all the Transformers coming from the same stock, the Decepticons are monstrous looking and homogenous, and the Autobots look more like they belong with the Junkions on the Planet of Junk than they do fighting the war for CybertronÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s Rebirth. I always liked that the Decepticons looked like Autobots except for their symbols; it made it harder to tell the good guys apart from the bad guys.
4.) The plot is completely bogus. I donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t like the AllSpark being a physical object. What the AllSpark is, actually, is the afterlife for Transformers, good and bad. All sparks, which create life, come from the AllSpark, and when they die, their sparks go back to the AllSpark. It was, and should be, much more metaphorical. What they should have put in was the Creation Matrix (Autobot Matrix of Leadership), which was the physical representation of the AllSpark. Plus, the plot is really boring. IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m not watching a Transformers movie to see humans dick around. IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m watching it to see giant robots, which
5.) ThereÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s not enough of. The story revolves more around Sam and trying to get the ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œhot-girl-whoÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s-really-an-awesome-mechanicÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â, some weird government intrigue things, which, quite frankly, were poorly introduced, poorly conceived, poorly carried out, and, quite frankly, just poor. Then there are the scenes in Iraq (Qatar) with the G.I. Joe-esque soldiers who ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œjust want to go homeÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â. The first hour of this movie focuses on humans, and when you finally get to the Transformers, which then still donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t become the center of the movie. ItÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s called ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œThe TransformersÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â not ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œThe Boy Who Tried to Get the Girl and Just Happens to Drive a TransformerÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â. While itÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s a relief to watch the Autobots, the dialogue at points is far too expositional for my taste. And while we do get to see the Decepticons, we donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t get to see their characters or constant in-fighting.
Now, those are some pretty big issues to have to get through to enjoy the movie.
Well, luckily there are a few things that save the movie.
1.) Peter Cullen did an amazing job as Optimus Prime. This actually extends to the Autobots. While Jazz is smaller than Bumblebee, their characters are still right, and the few moments when theyÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢re all interacting (not waging war with the Decepticons) you can close your eyes and feel like everythingÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s going to be ok.
2.) The graphics are actually really good. You can actually appreciate the graphics department and the job they did transforming the Transformers. You can also hear the 5 note sound effects when they transformer that we all have come to love.
3.) Shia LaBeouf is actually a really good actor. He may look like an ugly turn in the movie, but there are moments when you realize ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œWow. HeÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s doing a really good jobÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â.
I recommend that anyone not knowledgeable about Transformers, but likes a good action movie, see the movie. Anyone, like me, see it only if you can get in for free, or wait for the DVD, since itÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ll make it that much easier to fast forward through the boring human parts.
If this is going to go the way X-Men did, the sequels will be much better, since this will be setting up this continuum’s Transformers mythos. Hopefully they get Michael Bay off the project because he doesn’t seem to understand that a Transformers movie should be about Transformers interacting with people, not people interacting with Transformers.
I’m also tired of the hot-girl mechanic clichÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â©.